Tag Archives: dubai

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Dubai Mall 🧟‍♂️ Best Retreat for the Zombie Apocalypse...

Dubai Mall 🧟‍♂️ Best Retreat for the Zombie Apocalypse…

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If the world ends tomorrow and the dead start knocking on the door, we aren’t heading for a bunker in the woods. No, we are checking into the Dubai Mall.

Dubai doesn’t really do “understated.”

We found ourselves here on a three-day stopover after a stint in Sri Lanka, nursing a desperate need for retail therapy and, apparently, a desire to be swallowed whole by the world’s largest consumerist labyrinth.

Highlights

 

The Shoe District 💳💸 Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter

In a city where “excess” is the baseline, this is not just a shopping centre; it’s a self-contained ecosystem designed to make you forget that the outside world—largely consisting of sand and temperatures that could melt a lead pipe—actually exists.

We should talk about the scale. We’ve seen the Vatican Museums. We’ve navigated the halls of history. But the Vatican doesn’t prepare you for the Level Shoes district.

We wandered into a ladies’ fashion section—and by “wandered,” I mean I was led by the hand like a sacrificial lamb—and I genuinely thought we’d entered a glitch in the simulation. For hundreds of yards in every direction, there was nothing but Italian and French designer footwear. We saw more Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and Christian Louboutin than a red carpet at the Oscars.

  • The Psychological Toll: After ten minutes, a mild sense of claustrophobia set in.

  • The Financial Horror: Thank Heavens the prices were displayed in AED – so I didn’t need to face up to the horror of the actual costs in denominations I understand.

  • The Logic: We survived, but only just. I half-expected to find a skeleton in a corner still clutching a peep-toe stiletto from the 2022 collection.

With 5.9 million square feet of internal floor space, this isn’t a mall; it’s a mid-sized European principality. We are talking 1,200 shops, a 250-room luxury hotel, and 22 cinema screens.

If the zombies do turn up, we’ll be living in the cinema, eating gourmet popcorn, and wearing Versace silk pyjamas while the apocalypse rages outside. 💅

Don’t take no nonsense from these camels

Don’t take no nonsense from these camels

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Sharks, Rays, and Shopping Bags

Eventually, we escaped the leather-scented clutches of the shoe department and stumbled upon a ginormous blue-lit see-through wall.
You know, the usual.

It just happened to be the Dubai Aquarium & Underwater Zoo.

Dubai Mall

Dubai Mall – Giant Aquarium

We stood there, staring at over 33,000 living animals. There are more than 400 sharks and rays swimming behind a massive acrylic panel, presumably wondering why all the humans on the other side are carrying so many H&M bags. 🦈

“Is that a Tiger Shark or just a very aggressive shopper looking for the sales?” we wondered aloud.

If you’re feeling particularly brave (or just tired of walking), you can actually get in the water. We watched people doing the Cage Snorkeling Experience, which involves putting on gear and being lowered into the tank to see 70 different species up close.

For the truly unhinged, qualified divers can go for a “Shark Dive.”

We decided that watching from the dry side of the glass—with a latte in hand—was far more our speed.

Dubai Mall

Dubai Mall – The Aquarium

Water Works ⛲️ The World’s Largest Sprinkler

Once we’d had our fill of staring at things that could eat us, we moseyed outside to the Burj Khalifa Lake.

Dubai apparently looked at the humble garden sprinkler and thought, “Yes, but what if it could hit a pilot in the eye?”

Enter the Dubai Fountain.

  • Height: Water jets shoot up to 500 feet (150 metres). That’s a 50-storey building made of liquid (yes, the world’s largest…)

  • Light: The beam of light from the fountain is visible from space, making it the brightest spot in the Middle East, and quite possibly (… you guessed it) in the entire world. We like to think the astronauts on the ISS use it to find their way home.

  • Spectacle: It’s choreographed to music. We watched as the water performed a rhythmic dance to Arabic and world hits, feeling tiny in the shadow of the Burj Khalifa.

It happens daily at 1:00 pm & 1:30 pm, and then every 30 minutes in the evening from 6:00 pm to 11:00 pm.

Honestly, the sheer audacity of shooting that much water into the air in the middle of a desert is the kind of “because we can” energy we have to admire.

… The Zombie Apocalypse really is coming

It seems the management of Dubai Mall took on board our comments about the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse.

They’ve actually leaned into the vibe. We discovered that they’ve opened a Zombie Apocalypse Park.

We are looking at 65,000 square feet of pure, unadulterated chaos, featuring:

  1. Zombie Runs: Where we can finally put those cardio sessions to the test.

  2. VR Attacks: Immersive virtual reality that lets us live out our Resident Evil fantasies without the actual risk of, you know, being bitten.

  3. Themed Attractions: Because nothing says “holiday fun” like fleeing from the undead in a controlled environment.

We honestly can’t wait to go back and try it. If we’re going to face the end of the world, we’d much rather do it somewhere with air conditioning, 120 restaurants, and an Olympic-sized ice rink. ⛸️

Dubai Mall Zombie Apocalypse

Why Dubai Mall is the Ultimate Destination

Let’s be honest: we didn’t just come here for the shoes. We came for the sheer, glorious madness of it all. Whether we are staring at a shark, dodging a fountain jet, or hiding from imaginary zombies, we are doing it in a place that defies logic.

Is it over-the-top? Absolutely.
Is it exhausting? My step counter says yes.
Would we go back? We’ve already got the sneakers packed.

If you find yourself on a stopover, don’t fight it. Just accept that you will get lost, you will spend money you didn’t intend to, and you will eventually find yourself staring at a 10-metre shark while wondering if you can fit a designer lamp into your carry-on.

The Dubai Mall 🧟‍♂️ Best retreat for an upcoming zombie apocalypse...

Survival Tips for the Discerning Traveller

  • The “We” Factor: We never walk alone. If one of us gets distracted by a shiny watch, the other is responsible for physical extraction.

  • Hydration is Key: We carry water. Not because there isn’t any, but because walking five miles indoors is surprisingly thirsty work.

  • The App: We download the Dubai Mall App. It has a “find my car” feature and a GPS for the shops. We still get lost, but at least the app can watch us do it in real-time.


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Plan Your Travel - Dubai Desert Safari

Dubai Dune Bashing & Desert Safari 🐪 A Pithy Romp Through the Sands

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Let’s be candid, shall we? … Dubai. The very name conjures up images of towering glass edifices, gravity-defying fountains, and enough gold to make a Bond villain blush.

It’s a city that practically screams “more is more,” where even the shopping malls are architectural marvels. Our brief encounter with this shimmering oasis included the obligatory pilgrimage to the largest retail behemoth on Earth and a dizzying neck-craning session at the foot of Burj Khalifa, a building so tall it practically winks at aeroplanes.

But for the grand finale, our last full day in the UAE, a different kind of spectacle beckoned: the Dubai Desert Safari. Was it going to be a tourist trap or a genuine adventure?

Only the shifting sands would tell ⏳

Highlights

 

First off – Book Ahead!

A full month prior to our arrival, armed with an email and a vague sense of wanderlust, we’d dispatched an inquiry for an Evening Desert Safari. We quickly discovered there’s no shortage of outfits offering this particular escapade.

Advice, rather sensibly, arrived swift and clear: book in advance. Apparently, these desert frolics are rather popular, and we wouldn’t want to be left stranded in the urban jungle, yearning for sand.

The process was disarmingly straightforward: a name, a contact number, a pick-up spot, and the date. Voilà! Booking confirmed.

Payment, for those of us who prefer to keep our cash in our pockets, could be sorted directly with the English-speaking guide behind the wheel on the day itself.

Our chosen vehicle for this desert caper was a shared Land Cruiser, at a not-unreasonable AED 195 (roughly $53) per head, complete with the invaluable perk of door-to-door service from our hotel.

For the more discerning, or perhaps those travelling with an entourage, a private Land Cruiser or even a Hummer was on offer, naturally at a slightly steeper price.

Hotel Muster & Suburban Revelations

So, jumping ahead one month to the day of departure…

Promptly, between 3:00 and 3:30 PM, our guide materialised in the lobby of the Wescott Plaza Hotel Apartments.

Into the comfortably air-conditioned 4×4 Land Cruiser we piled. Our driver, a chap of commendable patience, then embarked on a detour through the suburbs of Dubai. He was collecting our fellow adventurers, three more souls, bringing our convoy (of sorts) to a cosy total of five passengers plus driver.

Now, for those of us who hadn’t dedicated our Dubai layover to exhaustive urban exploration, this unintended grand tour of the less-trodden paths was quite illuminating.

We were expecting the gleaming towers of the city, of course, but the suburban estates we trundled through were surprisingly… calm. Organised. Almost eerily so, especially after three weeks of what can only be described as a chaotic yet utterly compelling trip through Sri Lanka. One might even call it serene. A peculiar calm before the inevitable storm of sand, perhaps?

Before long, the cityscape melted away, replaced by the relentless, modern ribbon of highway stretching into the horizon. Here and there, we’d spot clusters of tents, nestled by the roadside. Apparently, the locals, seeking a respite from city life, decamp to the desert for a weekend jaunt (and, naturally, to let the camel stretch its legs).

Who knew desert camping was such a popular pastime? 🐪

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Getting in the Mood: Keffiyeh, Caravans & Cultural Curiosities

After around 40 minutes we stopped at what looked like a final frontier town before starting the desert safari proper. There were a lot of coaches and Land Cruisers like our own. There were also large groups of foreigners milling around the souvenir shops and coke stands. This was obviously the usual tourist drop-off and assembly area.

We were divided into little convoys of vehicles (almost like the old “caravans”). Each group would travel separately over the dunes to the main desert safari campsite several kilometers away.

Before setting out into the sand dunes, we took a look around the little shops. I couldn’t resist buying a keffiyeh, the traditional Middle Eastern cotton headdress fashioned from a square scarf and typically worn by Arabs and Kurds.

The keffiyeh came to prominence during the 1960s with the beginning of the Palestinian Liberation movement and its adoption by Palestinian politician Yasser Arafat.

With a little help from the vendors, I learned how to tie the scarf and was surprised how light and comfortable it was. I kept it on for the rest of the evening.

Dune Bashing Brilliance!

After a quick potty break, it was time to head out into the desert for the really active part of the evening. We drove out slowly over the dunes in a convoy of around 5 or 6 Land Cruisers.

When we were a good way into the desert, well clear of any signs of civilization, the driver stopped the vehicle. By this time, we also seemed to have lost the other vehicles in our convoy. We all got out while he deflated the tyres to around 50%.

Now is about the time you might start to regret having that last serving of curry and rice for lunch.

When we got back in, the driver started slowly to test the suspension. One of the 2 young girls in the back yelled out:

 “Go for it! Real Animal-Style!”

Without any further encouragement, the driver put the pedal to the metal.

So this was Dune Bashing. A race up the incline of successively higher dune formations, then frantic skidding around on the crests, punctuated by some truly stomach-churning drops and jarring twists. Visibility periodically disappears in torrential sprays of displaced red sand.

It was like being inside a giant, very dusty, washing machine.

Encouraged by the cries and squeals of his captive audience, our driver kept going for it, and I could see the face of the young woman in the front seat of the vehicle steadily going green.

After around 15 minutes the driver stopped, at the request of the green lady. She was given about 3 minutes to recover, and then we were off again. This time we were all shaken and stirred in equal measure.

Though doubtless the driver had done this hundreds of times, I was impressed at how he managed to keep the vehicle upright.

Sunset in the Desert

Another 15 minutes and we’d all just about had enough. We parked up in a nice secluded area of the desert and took some refreshment.

They time these safari events perfectly. It was about 30 minutes before sunset, and we were rewarded with some breathtaking vistas of the (by now) peaceful desert. The color and even the texture of the sand is really something special.

We all separated on foot and found our own little spots in the dunes to enjoy the sunset. As far as we were concerned, this little safari trip had already been well worth the effort.

Dune Bashing Desert Safari & Arab Campsite in Dubai United Arab Emirates

“It’s your turn to blow the tyres up”

As the day was drawing to a close, we headed on further into the desert to the North Tours ‘Desert Safari Campsite’. This area is set up like a traditional enclosed circular Bedouin camp.

Before the evening festivities start, you have an hour or so of free time to try out a number of interesting activities. For AED 100/-pp, you can try your hand (or should I say feet) at Sand boarding. If you’re not feeling so energetic, you can hire a Quad Bike instead AED 125/-pp.

For the kids (or the young at heart) you can take a short camel ride through the desert.

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Inside a Bedouin Camp

Inside the camp, there is a tent stocked with traditional Arab clothing. There you’ll find some smiling assistants who will help the gentlemen don a dishdasha (long white robe) and headscarf (keffiyeh).

For the ladies, you can try the abaya, a long black robe with a hijab (the head-scarf which covers the neck and part of the head). You can even add a niqab which covers the mouth and nose and only leaves the eyes exposed.

You can then take photos using some of the traditional Bedouin backdrops that are built in and around the campsite.

Dune Bashing Desert Safari & Arab Campsite in Dubai United Arab Emirates

“Fetch me water for tea, woman! (…and cover yourself up, for God’s sake!)”

If you have time, you can even get an intricate henna tattoo to really put you in the mood. All of these little extras are complimentary.

It’s around this time that you pay the Dubai Desert Safari company for your tickets. It’s probably better to do this with a credit card, since you’ll be needing your cash for the bar. By now you’ll be ready for some alcohol (there is a fully stocked bar – pay per consumption – cash only).

Soft drinks are complimentary.

Dune Bashing Desert Safari & Arab Campsite in Dubai United Arab Emirates

Red Wine and Henna

The campsite has a large central podium around which Arabic seating is arranged (floor furnished with carpets, low tables and cushions). Behind the seating area they had set up two kitchen areas – one on each side. Here you can take a plate and choose from a good selection of meats and veggies (both vegetarian and non-vegetarian options are available).

The campsite is big – catering to perhaps 500 or 600 people – but it is well organized, and queueing isn’t a problem. There are also separate restroom facilities for men and women.

There is entertainment during dinner, with music, fire dancers and finally the long-awaited belly dancer (our belly dancer turned out to be Russian!). All top-notch fun, and not in the least tacky. There is even an exquisitely well-dressed guy walking around the site with a falcon.

Dune Bashing Desert Safari & Arab Campsite in Dubai United Arab Emirates

Belly Dancer – “She moves like an electric eel”

Curtain Call & A Grand Finale

As soon as the belly dancer finishes her act it’s time to find your guide, locate your transport and head back to the city. The whole safari experience takes around 6 hours, but seems much less, and at $53 per person is unbeatable value.

Our driver dropped us off just after 9.00 pm. He was taking us back to our hotel, but we asked him to instead drop us off at the Dubai Mall (for a last shop-around before our departure the following day). This he did with no problem.

I must confess, I hadn’t arrived with particularly high expectations for this desert excursion. Yet, what an unexpected blast it turned out to be!

Dune bashing that would put a smile on any thrill-seeker’s face, an authentic (well, as authentic as a tourist camp can be) Arab campsite under the stars, breathtaking sunset photos, dressing up in traditional garb, intricate henna tattoos, camel rides, shishas, endless cups of tea, a barbecue feast, majestic birds of prey, and a rather nimble Russian belly dancer.

Honestly, What more could you want?

Dune Bashing Desert Safari & Arab Campsite in Dubai United Arab Emirates

Keffiyeh Krazy! (Peter O’Toole eat yer heart out)

Our Dubai Desert Safari proved to be a fitting, rather spectacular conclusion to our brief stopover in this glittering city. After one final, frenzied dash through the Mall, all that remained was a mere three hours of sleep before the inevitable 5 AM wake-up call and the final leg of our journey home.

A proper Bedouin send-off, wouldn’t you say?


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