Dubai Mall 🧟‍♂️ Best Retreat for the Zombie Apocalypse…

Dubai Mall 🧟‍♂️ Best Retreat for the Zombie Apocalypse…

Tags : dubai

If the world ends tomorrow and the dead start knocking on the door, we aren’t heading for a bunker in the woods. No, we are checking into the Dubai Mall.

Dubai doesn’t really do “understated.”

We found ourselves here on a three-day stopover after a stint in Sri Lanka, nursing a desperate need for retail therapy and, apparently, a desire to be swallowed whole by the world’s largest consumerist labyrinth.

Highlights

• Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter!
• Sharks, Rays, & Shopping Bags
• ⛲️ The World’s Largest Sprinkler
• The Zombie Apocalypse is Coming!
• Survival Tips for Travellers
• Book a Cage Snorkeling Experience
• Dubai Layover Visa Requirements
• Burj Khalifa Tallest in the World
• Dubai Dune Bashing / Desert Safari
• Wescott Plaza Hotel Apartments
• Experiences 🌟 Not Sightseeing
• Layovers in Marhaba Lounge

The Shoe District 💳💸 Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter

In a city where “excess” is the baseline, this is not just a shopping centre; it’s a self-contained ecosystem designed to make you forget that the outside world—largely consisting of sand and temperatures that could melt a lead pipe—actually exists.

We should talk about the scale. We’ve seen the Vatican Museums. We’ve navigated the halls of history. But the Vatican doesn’t prepare you for the Level Shoes district.

We wandered into a ladies’ fashion section—and by “wandered,” I mean I was led by the hand like a sacrificial lamb—and I genuinely thought we’d entered a glitch in the simulation. For hundreds of yards in every direction, there was nothing but Italian and French designer footwear. We saw more Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and Christian Louboutin than a red carpet at the Oscars.

• The Psychological Toll: After ten minutes, a mild sense of claustrophobia set in.

• The Financial Horror: Thank Heavens the prices were displayed in AED – so I didn’t need to face up to the horror of the actual costs in denominations I understand.

• The Logic: We survived, but only just. I half-expected to find a skeleton in a corner still clutching a peep-toe stiletto from the 2022 collection.

With 5.9 million square feet of internal floor space, this isn’t a mall; it’s a mid-sized European principality. We are talking 1,200 shops, a 250-room luxury hotel, and 22 cinema screens.

If the zombies do turn up, we’ll be living in the cinema, eating gourmet popcorn, and wearing Versace silk pyjamas while the apocalypse rages outside. 💅

Don’t take no nonsense from these camels

All Hotel Options in Dubai

Sharks, Rays, and Shopping Bags

Eventually, we escaped the leather-scented clutches of the shoe department and stumbled upon a ginormous blue-lit see-through wall.
You know, the usual.

It just happened to be the Dubai Aquarium & Underwater Zoo.

Dubai Mall – Giant Aquarium

We stood there, staring at over 33,000 living animals. There are more than 400 sharks and rays swimming behind a massive acrylic panel, presumably wondering why all the humans on the other side are carrying so many H&M bags. 🦈

“Is that a Tiger Shark or just a very aggressive shopper looking for the sales?” we wondered aloud.

If you’re feeling particularly brave (or just tired of walking), you can actually get in the water. We watched people doing the Cage Snorkeling Experience, which involves putting on gear and being lowered into the tank to see 70 different species up close.

For the truly unhinged, qualified divers can go for a “Shark Dive.”

We decided that watching from the dry side of the glass—with a latte in hand—was far more our speed.

Dubai Mall – The Aquarium

Water Works ⛲️ The World’s Largest Sprinkler

Once we’d had our fill of staring at things that could eat us, we moseyed outside to the Burj Khalifa Lake.

Dubai apparently looked at the humble garden sprinkler and thought, “Yes, but what if it could hit a pilot in the eye?”

Enter the Dubai Fountain.

• Height: Water jets shoot up to 500 feet (150 metres). That’s a 50-storey building made of liquid (yes, the world’s largest…)

• Light: The beam of light from the fountain is visible from space, making it the brightest spot in the Middle East, and quite possibly (… you guessed it) in the entire world. We like to think the astronauts on the ISS use it to find their way home.

• Spectacle: It’s choreographed to music. We watched as the water performed a rhythmic dance to Arabic and world hits, feeling tiny in the shadow of the Burj Khalifa.

It happens daily at 1:00 pm & 1:30 pm, and then every 30 minutes in the evening from 6:00 pm to 11:00 pm.

Honestly, the sheer audacity of shooting that much water into the air in the middle of a desert is the kind of “because we can” energy we have to admire.

… The Zombie Apocalypse really is coming

It seems the management of Dubai Mall took on board our comments about the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse.

They’ve actually leaned into the vibe. We discovered that they’ve opened a Zombie Apocalypse Park.

We are looking at 65,000 square feet of pure, unadulterated chaos, featuring:

1. Zombie Runs: Where we can finally put those cardio sessions to the test.

2. VR Attacks: Immersive virtual reality that lets us live out our Resident Evil fantasies without the actual risk of, you know, being bitten.

3. Themed Attractions: Because nothing says “holiday fun” like fleeing from the undead in a controlled environment.

We honestly can’t wait to go back and try it. If we’re going to face the end of the world, we’d much rather do it somewhere with air conditioning, 120 restaurants, and an Olympic-sized ice rink. ⛸️

Why Dubai Mall is the Ultimate Destination

Let’s be honest: we didn’t just come here for the shoes. We came for the sheer, glorious madness of it all. Whether we are staring at a shark, dodging a fountain jet, or hiding from imaginary zombies, we are doing it in a place that defies logic.

Is it over-the-top? Absolutely.
Is it exhausting? My step counter says yes.
Would we go back? We’ve already got the sneakers packed.

If you find yourself on a stopover, don’t fight it. Just accept that you will get lost, you will spend money you didn’t intend to, and you will eventually find yourself staring at a 10-metre shark while wondering if you can fit a designer lamp into your carry-on.

Survival Tips for the Discerning Traveller

• The “We” Factor: We never walk alone. If one of us gets distracted by a shiny watch, the other is responsible for physical extraction.

• Hydration is Key: We carry water. Not because there isn’t any, but because walking five miles indoors is surprisingly thirsty work.

• The App: We download the Dubai Mall App. It has a “find my car” feature and a GPS for the shops. We still get lost, but at least the app can watch us do it in real-time.

If you enjoyed The Dubai Mall, check out our other Short Breaks and City Stops. You may also like:

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